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Cyber Kid, Cann"E"Bal & the Russo's have offspring!

The Cann"E"bal reviewing the Haynes Workshop Manual for a "BABY" model he just acquired.


       Hello Fubarians,  How are you this third quarter of '07?  Well let us tell you, it's been a busy second quarter '07 for three FUBARians!  It appears that three, that's right three FUBAR Hall of Famers have acquired offspring this past August (Seems as though the boys were hitting homers during Q4 '06 maybe? :o)  So lets' run down the inventory then shall we - Jeff "E" and Tanya had their first one - a girl model in mid-August named (Elena).  Kevin "Cy Young" and Denise "The Windmill" Russo of the Engineering Clan "Russo" had their second; another boy they presumably built in the basement out of spare computer parts and organic yogurt will add to the first one (Stephen & Tony).  Finally, the Cyber Kid and Dawn had their second - a girl model this time (one of each now! Jessica & Alex)  The Cyber Kid was quoted as saying, "We're having a girl ...I'm so screwed!"   "E" was quoted as saying, "Mmmm, babies!?..."   Wha?  Huh?  (Read on people, read on)  OK, so all these freakin' kids aside (major congrats to all by the way!), there's just so much going on in FUBARia that frankly, we need to get down to business; so let's get to it shall we?... 

       We here at the FNC have in our possession some disturbing pictures from the "E" compound.  We have reason to believe that after acquiring his daughter Jeff the Cann"E"bal may in fact be adopting the ways of "people-eaters." We don't know, nor can we confirm the type of shenanigans and waywardness that is transpiring up at their "ranch" (compound complete with DEW line and razor-wire) but you decide for yourself?  They say a picture is worth a thousand words... however for legal and financial reasons we only have ink for 8, but here you go anyway -

Jeff the Cann"E"Bal going in for the eggs!!

Now, we're not saying that this is "proof" of anything (well we are, as a FUBAR photographer took the photo) but let's just analyze this photo for grins anyway -

First, you have "E" and a baby (presumably his?).  Second, you have "E" with his mouth agape.  Keep in mind here (and we don't want to sway your opinion ... well maybe just a little) that his mouth does not appear to be agape conducive to an affectionate manner such as kissing but agape in the manner with which someone is about to delve into a nice juicy Fuddrucker's double bacon w/ cheese!  "I was just giving her a kiss."  was Jeff's explanation.  "Suspect" is all we're going to say...I mean what kind of kiss is this then?  Who kisses like this anyway?  Unfortunately (or fortunately for her sake) Tanya was unavailable for comment about Jeff's "unique" style of kissing where he apparently unhinges his jaw prior to "engagement."  Look we've seen it a thousand times here at the FNC and you can call us crazy but when we see someone who looks like they might occasionally eat a "finger" sandwich (and by that we don't mean sandwiches that "look" like "fingers" finger sandwiches; we mean actual bonafide count to ten "digits" on bread w/ a slice of tomato, mayo, salt & pepper!) we can usually call them out on it! 

Besides, how in the hell do you explain the next photo?...


       HOLY CRAP PEOPLE!  Someone call social services!  I mean look, you got a picture of a guy who looks like he's about to sink into the most amazing apple he's every seen, claiming "he's just giving her a kiss" and then you have this photo to the right with his kids eyes covered with gauze.  Who uses gauze for eye protection?  Not me, you?  In my day eye protection came in three varieties; they were called sunglasses, safety glasses and in some very desperate cases, an eye mask could be substituted!  Never gauze, never!  Gauze is for wounds, cuts and abrasions, that sort of thing.  We don't buy it folks.  You have to get up pretty early to fool us (well at least before noon) people and we're not fooled.  What's this naysayer, don't believe us?  Well let us ask you then... you ever see his kids eyes?  <sounds of gasps>  Well then, there you have it - in a nutshell.  Cann"E"Bal is sounding a bit more plausible now isn't it?  People don't just up and buy farmland in the middle of no where unless they have a reason and eating eyeballs and keeping heads in the freezer sounds as good a reason as any to me.  Look, you've seen the pics, we don't have to convince you anymore...  It's right here in all it's full color glory.  Of course the FNC has no legal nor morale obligation to do anything about this because well frankly we're just too apathetic and wrapped up in our own menial existence to give a damn!  Besides, did we mention there was another A.J. Sighting!!!  (Nice segue way huh?)

       OK, so in conjunction (that means "at the same time" Chris) with the whole cannibalism fiasco, the FNC had more reports and a confirmed sighting of the elusive North American A.J.  Apparently hungry and driven from it's natural habitat due to urban growth and global warming, sightings of the A.J. have become more frequent in some metropolitan areas...

       Patrons of a local McDonald's in central Texas can attest to that as many had quite a start a few weeks ago when they let their kids venture into the play area, only to be confronted with the A.J.  Apparently the smell of food was unavoidable for the creature and taking advantage of a slow exiting patron, the A.J.  made his way inside the restaurant where he became trapped.  Confused and alone, the A.J. spent hours in the play area running rampant until he finally realized the doors opened outward and escasped.  "It was horrible" one patron was quoted as saying.  "It was the scariest day of my life.  Well, the second scariest, my wedding was the first!"  said another ("Hey Dave you gonna eat those fries!" - "Shhh...  I'm doing a sound bite!").  An FNC reporter utilizing a police scanner (and completely orchestrating the entire event with hopes of winning a Pulitzer for journalism) was able to make it to the restaurant prior to the A.J. escaping; here's a couple pics that were taken -

The A.J. stuck in the slide The A.J. trapped in the Jungle Gym


       "So where the A.J. is hiding now is again a mystery."  The Cyber Kid said in a press conference; "I'll guess we'll just have to wait until he gets hungry and turns up at another restaurant.  I just hope he doesn't give the customers a fright like he did this time!"  the Cyber Kid added.  To calm the eating public, the FUBAR Mobile Task Force (FMTF) has been deployed to various eateries around the metroplex in an effort to locate and trap the creature.  "Confidence is high that we'll find 'em.  It's all about where he'll migrate to next and we just need to be there when he shows - We'll be at Hooter's..."  the FMTF Chief added; "Seems to be a recurrence of sightings there!?"  I guess we'll just have to wait and see as we get more info on this developing (yet oddly recurring) story...

       So my favorite cronies, that's about all the news there is to make up, 'er we mean "bring to you" this quarter.  Of course there is always the 4th quarter where we'll bring you even more news and all the rebelliousness from the 9th annual FUBAR-B-Que and drunken orgy (reported "nearly" live from Daytona Beach, Florida).  And in case you think we forgot, we didn't.  Here's an installment of the FUBAR News Corporation's newest segment; WTF.

 The Cyber Kid w/ FUBAR Super fan Carrie B. - Quick question?  What's with the floating baby!

Hello Ladies!

Kid's art project spotted on a fridge.

        OK, enough craziness.  We promise, we've moved to decaf at night too!  So, until next quarter, this has again been your faithful reporter,

Dave "Cyber Kid" - CEO/Founder FUBAR's est.1989


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