Hello my FUBARians. Big events and happenings at
the FUBAR HQ!? No, we still haven't locked down the enigma known as
the Cyber Kid but it does appear that "Hall Of Famer" and long-time FUBAR Jeff
"E" Engel aka. Jeff "E"spionage has gone "dark" and is now acting alone and
without guidance from the FUBAR hierarchy - What a strange turn of events?
(Do we have the tail wagging the dog here?) Anyway, in order to understand these
current developments, let's take you back a few weeks and explain the
situation -
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Approximately 6 weeks ago, the FUBARS had
their annual reunion. Pictured here is
Mark "two cents" Armadillo talking on the phone; but to whom?
Well the FUBAR operative who captured this shot had a surveillance team
nearby monitoring the call and traced and confirmed the call back to
a cell-phone registered to Jeff Sn"E"aky Engel.
FNC was uncertain as to the specific content of the cell call due to
sophisticated jamming equipment on the phones themselves but it
was highly suspicious as moments later Jeff arrived at their location and
began "secret" conversations with Mark.
FNC's CEO and Founder Dave "Cyber Kid" was present during this
"unscheduled" meeting between Jeff and Mark but was NOT privy to the content of
the secret conversation despite highly sensitive microphone and
bugging equipment present. |
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So what exactly did Mark tell Jeff? That
my friends is the big question and poses a dilemma for the Cyber Kid
and FUBAR
Organization. If you recall it was Mark "I have a price"
Avocado who at one time was behind one of the biggest conspiracies
in FUBAR history when the actual name (FUBARS) of the organization itself was lost
in a merger with our arch-rivals. Clearing himself of those
allegations and subsequently reacquiring the FUBAR name, Mark had assumed
the position as Captain of the Softball Division but since
then, has been held under much inquiry. His reinstatement into the
organization as well has always brought with it much scrutiny from
fans who began to question the validity of the Cyber Kid and the
entire FUBAR organization itself. So something such
as this surreptitious rendezvous with Jeff would raise questions and concerns throughout the organization?... |
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In addition to the secret talks, our FUBAR operative acquired these photos
of Mark and Jeff taken by a local newspaper reporter covering the "reunion." Seemingly innocent photos, FNC believes that Jeff
(and Mark) may have been "secretly" communicating to outside conspirators via a series
of hand and facial gestures. Knowing these photos would be publicly
viewed, these gestures may mean devastating results for the FUBAR camp!? You decide for yourself but here at the FNC after careful
examination, the FNC Espionage Division for Hand & Facial Gestures
(FNC-ED4H&FD) has believed that "secret" messages were delivered via these
photos and could be translated as follows -
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Message "Echo"
Jeff - "Attention. We
have begun Operation Phase Echo. Proceed North
East as planned and wait for our further instructions.
Soon comrades ..."
Mark - "Lean.
Lean into these animals and do not let them have room to
spread..." |
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Message "Voice"
Jeff - "...our voices
will be heard and I and tell you, the bitter FUBAR Empire and their leader
IS listening."
Mark - "We are at a
crossroads (arms) and we will drink in a new day ... But beware
the cocky infidels sneaking up behind you!" |
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Message "Horizon"
Jeff - "Now, look to the
horizon, divide into thirds with a strong
center front and prepare for the dawning of
a new day and a new era for we have spoken to the Empire and they
will be forced to yield..."
Mark - "Smile
friends and rejoice under the Blue (New) Moon
... |
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Message "Vision"
Jeff - "Now go my brothers
and do not be lazy, nor blind to the cause we pursue.
We will not sleep until the Blue (New)
Moon has embraced us!"
Mark - "I wish good luck
to you my brothers while I secretly scratch my itchy chest
hair." |
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Message "Busted"
Jeff - "Uh, we weren..
we're not doing anything."
Mark - <whispering>
"Jeff, I think the fat one knows..."
Jeff - "... Um, am I the
fat one?
Mark - <whispering> "Not this time..." |
That was six weeks ago. So after the reunion, the FUBAR News Corp had lost
contact with Jeff and reported his disappearance with the FUBAR Personnel
Dept. and began a covert search. Just a few weeks later, the following
photos were sent to the FUBAR News Corp. from an unnamed source (OK, it was
the Cyber Kid! - "He sent them to himself?..." "Shut up dammit, it's
my story!") revealing a chilling addition to this dilemma.
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Who the heck is that guy?
Although received a few weeks later, the photo is obviously from the
same night as the pictures above.
The question however is who's the cat in the background?
Another consirator? (Possibly) A local patron? (yeah right)
Or just a man named Al Coholic? (Again, possibly?) In
any event, the plot and or "plots" thicken until we hear more or
even find Jeff N"E"farious one...
Unfortunately
however, there has been no more word about "E"s "disappearance"
except for a couple weeks ago when the blurred photo at the top of
this page was sent
to the FUBAR News Corp. So what do we do? What
preparation has the Cyber Kid and the FUBAR HQ done to thwart this potential threat?
Let us tell you friends, let us tell you... |
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FUBAR Founder/CEO Dave "Cyber Kid" made a few calls
immediately following the Jeff's disappearance and soon acquired the
ever powerful "Coil of Titanium." Rumored to have been hidden
by the Federal Government due to its immense power, the "Coil of
Titanium" was actually sitting in an undisclosed office in central Florida.
Through intense negotiation (I think it was a pint of BevERage and a
handshake) Dave was able to acquire the powerful
artifact. He spoke about the acquisition at a recent press
conference; "The Coil's been around for centuries and rumors of it's
destruction were far fetched and inaccurate. Having acquired
this rare and unbelievably expensive item, I am certain that the FUBAR
organization can stay any and all threats posed against it!"
The Cyber Kid's statements made FNC personnel very confident - "Our
morale is high!" said one member of the organization. "There
can be only one!" Shouted another member (a bit of a geeky member
but a member nonetheless!) |
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The Coil
of Titanium (+5 to all attributes - sweet!) |
So ladies and gentlemen, there you have it, all the going's on at the FUBAR
organization - The FUBARS are again under the pressure of a possible threat;
Jeff "E"spionage Engel has gone rogue; Mark "Big Brother" Armadillo is
yet again potentially involved in yet another devilish plot against the
FUBARs and the Cyber Kid is of course working to reign it all in by of
course using the Coil of Titanium where necessary. So that's where
we're at. Oh! We almost forgot; The FUBAR Publishing Department
has begun negotiations with the publishing house
Wiley Publishing, Inc. to bring you the
"Ultimate" Guides for FUBAR Specific content. The first four books
released will be -
"We are very proud and pleased with
the release of these new "tomes." They are a "must-have" for any true
FUBAR fan." The Cyber Kid said at a recent press conference. So,
now there you have all the goin's on at the FUBAR HQ. Hope you've
enjoyed and be sure to check out the Cyber Kid annex - DARTH M in order to
read more about the Dummies releases there and of course the 2006 FUBAR
Reunion, BBQ and Drunken Orgy. In the meantime I'm off to read
"Espionage & Spying for FUBARS" - What with this rogue agent thing and
all....
So, until next quarter when we
either find Jeff or figure out what makes the Cyber Kid tick (yeah right!); this has been your faithful
reporter,
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