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The "AJ" Confirmed in Attack!

A picture is worth a thousand words, or in this case - gasps of fright and cries of help?...

Photo at 200 microns Photo at 150 microns Photo at 100 microns

The "Cyber Kid Incident" photo at 50 microns - (95% of the BULLS**T test completed by the FNC-PhForT)

       Well kids, FNC has done it yet again.  The FNC Photographic Forensic Team (FNC-PhForT) has completed it's BULLS**T test and as Mulder and Scully used to say - "The truth is out there."  For more on this developing story, we present you with The Cyber Kid, who has just released the following statement; "Hello everyone.  We here at the FNC are happy to confirm the creature in the now infamous photo is in fact ... the "AJ."  However the story does not end there - No my friends.  In another stellar display of reporting excellence, we have done more than just identify the creature as the "AJ."  We have done much ... much more - We have actually followed the AJ to it's lair where we were able to study it a while - 

       But the story does not end there folks - no.  Once we knew what we were up against it was time to call in the big guns and so the FUBAR Upper Management brought in FUBAR Hall of Famer Jeff "Wifferous" Engel to help.  With Jeff's expertise in homo-limpus behavior, we were able to coax the "AJ" out with some "bait" and after a very short period of observation, we were able to even converse with it -

       Yes, you heard me correctly ... we were able to converse with it and here's one even better.  After a period of approximately 1 hour and 12 minutes, we were able to break the "AJ" down to his raw form and then "reprogram" and "reacclimatize" him into our society.  Pretty amazing work if I do say so myself, although I won't take credit from the amazing breakthrough's performed by Jeff.  Who is here with a statement... Jeff..."


       "Hello everyone, I'm Jeff "The K-master" Engel.  I'll be brief.  When I got the call from Dave, I have to say I wasn't too surprised.  I had been studying the homo-limpus for quite some time and as my thesis on the subject (Homo-Limpus AmongUs:  A Case Study) stated, it was only a matter of time before the "AJ" would resurface.  I do have to admit, he wasn't as far gone as I thought he be but, make no mistake, it wasn't pretty either - Here again, we apologize to Hooter's and hope the check covers the damages and the salve helps with the itching.  Anyway, I would like to thank the FUBAR organization for allowing me to assist and further my studies.  Please look forward to my next paper; "Homo-Limpus, Hello Limpus" - which will be featured in the Journal of Universal News Knowledge (JUNK for short.)  Again, I thank you for your time."


       "Well there it is in a nutshell my friends.  The AJ has been neutralized and the threat is no more, thanks to your friends here at the FNC.  Please file orderly out of the back of the atrium and don't forget to continue to support the FNC by visiting the gift shop on your way out and purchasing mass quantities of our signature ales (FUBAR®  FUBAR Oil® and  FUBAR - Vulgar Display® (aka - FUBAR VD), shirts and dark themed stationary.  Again, thank you for coming and we hope to see you in approximately three months time.  Thank you."  .....  "Sheep, and I am the herder"

       "Dave, the microphone is still on!"

       "Uh, er, I know that Jeff, just seeing if they were paying attention.  Thanks again ladies and germs, you've been great."


       So there it is, straight from the Cyber Kid's mouth.  The AJ threat is no more.  All I can say is what would we do without the FNC huh?  Really, it frightens me just to think of such a notion, a world without the FNC.  What chaos would befall us? What demise of modern society?  What hope would we have of the prospect of such a bleak future?  <shudders>  Anyway, I'm giving myself the willies - which is not normally a bad thing but, ... I regress and hope all of you have enjoyed the security, safety and all around general feeling of wellness the FNC provides and until next time...

Oops, I almost forgot, the FNC has new journal entries and 36 new pictures of the Future Hall of Famer ALEX, a new FOTQ, and some new Movie Reviews.

And now I say to you; until next time, this has been your ever present and somewhat aggressive (GET AWAY FROM HERE YOU LITTLE ^%$#&* !!!)  reporter...

Dave CEO/Founder FUBAR's est.1989


News Archive
FNC ANNEX 5-2005
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