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Well kids,
FNC has done it yet again. The FNC Photographic
Forensic Team (FNC-PhForT) has completed it's BULLS**T test and as Mulder
and Scully used to say - "The truth is out there." For
more on this developing story, we present you with The Cyber Kid, who has
just released the following statement; "Hello everyone. We here
at the FNC are happy to confirm the creature in the now infamous photo is
in fact ... the "AJ." However the story does not end there
- No my friends. In another stellar display of reporting excellence,
we have done more than just identify the creature as the "AJ."
We have done much ... much more - We have actually followed the AJ to it's
lair where we were able to study it a while -
But the story does not end there folks - no. Once we knew what we
were up against it was time to call in the big guns and so the FUBAR Upper
Management brought in FUBAR Hall of Famer Jeff "Wifferous" Engel
to help. With Jeff's expertise in homo-limpus behavior, we were able
to coax the "AJ" out with some "bait" and after a very
short period of observation, we were able to even converse with it -
Yes, you
heard me correctly ... we were able to converse with it and here's
one even better. After a period of approximately 1 hour and 12
minutes, we were able to break the "AJ" down to his raw form and
then "reprogram" and "reacclimatize" him into our
society. Pretty amazing work if I do say so myself, although I won't
take credit from the amazing breakthrough's performed by Jeff. Who
is here with a statement... Jeff..."
"Hello everyone, I'm Jeff "The K-master" Engel. I'll
be brief. When I got the call from Dave, I have to say I wasn't too
surprised. I had been studying the homo-limpus for quite some time
and as my thesis on the subject (Homo-Limpus AmongUs: A Case Study)
stated, it was only a matter of time before the "AJ" would
resurface. I do have to admit, he wasn't as far gone as I thought he
be but, make no mistake, it wasn't pretty either - Here again, we apologize to Hooter's and hope the
check covers the damages and the salve helps with
the itching. Anyway, I would like to thank the FUBAR organization for
allowing me to assist and further my studies. Please look forward to
my next paper; "Homo-Limpus, Hello Limpus" - which will be featured in the
Journal of Universal News Knowledge (JUNK for short.) Again, I
thank you for your time."
"Well there it is in a nutshell my friends. The AJ has been
neutralized and the threat is no more, thanks to your friends here at the
FNC. Please file orderly out of the back of the atrium and don't
forget to continue to support the FNC by visiting the gift shop on your
way out and purchasing mass quantities of our signature ales
(FUBAR® FUBAR Oil® and FUBAR - Vulgar Display® (aka - FUBAR
VD), shirts and dark themed stationary. Again, thank you for coming
and we hope to see you in approximately three months time. Thank
you." ..... "Sheep, and I am the herder"
"Dave, the microphone is still on!"
"Uh, er, I know that Jeff, just seeing if they were paying
attention. Thanks again ladies and germs, you've been great."
So there it is, straight from the Cyber Kid's mouth. The AJ threat
is no more. All I can say is what would we do without the FNC
huh? Really, it frightens me just to think of such a notion, a world
without the FNC. What chaos would befall us? What demise of modern
society? What hope would we have of the prospect of such a bleak
future? <shudders> Anyway, I'm giving myself the willies
- which is not normally a bad thing but, ... I regress and hope all of you
have enjoyed the security, safety and all around general feeling of
wellness the FNC provides and until next time... Oops,
I almost forgot, the FNC has new journal entries and 36 new pictures of
the Future Hall of Famer ALEX, a new FOTQ,
and some new Movie Reviews. And
now I say to you; until next time, this has been your ever present and
somewhat aggressive (GET AWAY FROM HERE YOU LITTLE ^%$#&* !!!)
reporter...
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